SUDEPAware

Thirteen years ago, I lost my daughter and her unborn son to SUDEP. This was the moment my life changed forever.

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Samantha was my first child, born when I was only sixteen. She was beautiful inside and out. It was a happy day when she told me she was having a baby. She had suffered from epilepsy from the age of sixteen, always as she was coming out of sleep and we never considered her to be at risk.

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Prior to losing Sam, I was an ordinary mum of three, a primary school teacher working towards her first headship.

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I have since had several years working as a headteacher and am presently working back at the chalk-face, teaching primary children in a job I adore. I have worked in education for over 20 years.

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I decided to attempt to write my feeling down about the loss of my daughter. I have been trying over many years to do so, and found it overwhelming at times and I often gave up.

As time has moved on, I have now been able to put my thoughts and feelings into words.

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I hadn’t considered publishing them. This is a very personal experience for me. However, after sharing them with family, friends and other bereaved mothers, I thought it may help for others to go through my journey with me and recognise that there is a way to get through the devastation.

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It is not my intention for the poetry to just create a feeling of sadness, more that they will instil some degree of hope while pouring out so many emotions.

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Until she died, I had never heard of SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death in EPilepsy). It kills approximately 1 in 1000 people living with epilepsy per year but is still not spoken about to those with epilepsy or to their parents/carers. Through sharing my poems (see below and my book 'Through Plate Glass'), I would like to raise awareness in the hope that it may prevent someone from sharing our tragic experience.

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Christine Carter
July 2018